Book Review: The Lost Symbol

The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown

You can tell this is a fantasy, because the Redskins are in the playoffs.

I've read all of Dan Brown's books so far, and if you liked his others, you will probably like The Lost Symbol. I don't think it is as good as the earlier books, for several reasons, but it still is entertaining and pulls the reader along on its rapid roller coaster of action and puzzle solving.

The Lost Symbol takes place over only eight hours or so, though there are numerous flashbacks giving some of the characters' background to set the story. All of Brown's books take place over a short time, with the main characters rushing from one crisis to another, usually with something important on the line should they fail to solve the current puzzle presented by Brown's antagonist. I think the Lost Symbol takes place over the shortest time yet. The puzzles are interesting enough, and are presented along with an interesting take on the history and relationship of Washington, DC and the Freemasons.

Brown claims that everything he presents here, historically and scientifically, is true. I think he classifies something as true if he can find any reference on the internet to someone who once claimed it as true. There is a touch of hyperbole. I know computer stuff pretty well (it's my day job) and Brown is laughably ignorant on most computer issues. This is hardly a fault restricted to Dan Brown, as most books and especially movies get computer stuff wrong. Actually, I understand why. Real life computer are boring! And there doesn't seem to be any Lost Symbol.

The biggest problem with this book, though, is that it fails to convince us that the crisis his characters are involved in is in fact a crisis. We are repeatedly told that some information, hidden from the reader, is a matter of national security. One character, shown a screen image of this information, immediately changes his entire motivation. Yet when we are shown the basis for the national security crisis, it seems boring and mundane. The villain has a secret video of prominent politicians and celebrities participating in secret mason rituals! Oooh! That is to say, so what! Politicians and celebrities are seemingly daily shown to be doing much worse.

Interestingly, my audiobook version had an added feature: a sneak preview of Dan Brown's next blockbuster, The Mother of God! Here is what I can remember.


The Mother of God, by Dan Brown.

"Listen!" said the eerily close, disembodied voice. Robert Langdon recognized the voice as that of the tall, tattooed, muscular, hairless albino who had earlier chased him through the tunnels beneath old New York.

"Like a Virgin. Touched for the very first time!" played from some unfathomable source.

"I don't understand! It's a Madonna song," cried Langdon.

"Exactly," whispered the whispery voice. "Pay closer attention, Mr. Langdon."

"Robert, I know you can figure this out!" Margarita Villaneuva said to Langdon with fatigued lovingness. "You are the most brilliant symbologist I have ever met!" Margarita admired Langdon's muscular swimmers body, smelled his seldom washed tweed jacket. In all of her twenty four years, she had never met a man like Robert Langdon, not even while getting her doctorate in mystical string theory from MIT.

Langdon tried to focus. He had hurt his shoulder hanging from the Empire State Building, and twisted his ankle when the hang glider landed from the Statue of Liberty. The last thirty seven minutes had been pure hell! Still, he knew the answer was just beyond his grasp.

"Madonna," Langdon thought aloud. "Most people associate the word Madonna with the Virgin Mary, but it literally means 'My lady.' But there is another, older meaning. Mad Onna means Mad Japanese woman."

"Robert, maybe he's not referring to the singer! Maybe he wants us to examine the lyrics!"

"Margarita, you're even more brilliant than you are beautiful! 'Like a virgin' must be referring to extra virgin olive oil! And it's not 'touched', it's touche-d, from the old French word tuchier. And the root of tuchier is..."

"Tuch!. Robert, do you mean..."

"Yes, it's so obvious now!"

Movie Review: Me and You and Everyone We Know

Me and You and Everyone We Know is an unpleasant movie. The characters are uniformly weird, damaged, strange or offensive. There is no character development. There is no story arc. There are no traditional dramatic structures. The lack of these does not necessarily mean a film is bad, but this one is.

 I would tell you what this movie is about, but it is not really about anything. It is a loose collection of characters who don't act in the way normal people act. They do nothing of significance, and they do it often. We care nothing for these people. When the credits finally rolled, I wondered how anyone could like or recommend this movie (it won several awards and was well reviewed when it was released) or even how anyone could think it was a movie worth making. 

I would guess that professional reviewers view movies like this through a strange lens that tells them the film makers must have intended something deeper than what is seen. They don't understand it, so it must be good. Well, I don't think this movie was good, not in the least little bit.

Movie Review: The Pink Panther

The Pink Panther, starring Steve Martin

The Pink Panther is an uneven but ultimately adequate comedy starring Steve Martin in the role of Inspector Clouseau originated by Peter Sellers. There are some very funny scenes, plus a whole lot of scenes that just don't work. The original movies were also pretty hit and miss, more so as the series went along, and the films completed after Seller's death were all miss and no hit. Like in the originals, the humor is mostly of the slapstick variety, so if that is not what you like be warned! There are also a lot of jokes based on Clouseau's bizarre accent.

Martin initially seemed to me to be a poor fit to take over for Sellers, but he brings an earnestness and likability to the role that modestly won me over. Ultimately, this is the key to Martin's version of Clouseau. He means well at all times, but unknown to himself is an accidental wrecking ball toward the rest of the world.

Jean Reno is stolid as the sidekick. The writers decided to reverse the Kato surprise attack dynamic from the original series and have Clouseau attempt to attack Reno's character. There is at least one direct homage involving the attacker clinging to the ceiling in preparation for an attack. The original series got this right. The new one does not.

I don't think Kevin Kline is a good fit for the Dreyfuss role. This may be due to the script. The original Dreyfuss was initially a good man and loyal police officer who is gradually driven insane by Clouseau's ineptitude and bizarrely fortunate success. The Dreyfuss in this version has no backstory. He comes to us as a supercilious, unqualified and mean-spirited glory hound.

As an actress, Beyonce is a fine singer and a beautiful woman.

Movie Review: Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, directed by Chris Columbus

The Greek gods are big. And they look good. And they have awesome deep British accents.

Yes, Percy Jackson is about the Greek gods existing for real in modern times. Actually, it's more about their children with mortals, who are called demi-gods. Percy Jackson is a demi-god, the son of Poseidon and a mortal woman. He's never met his father, and apparently has few if any questions about who his father was or why he's never been around. According to my children, there is a lot more information in the books, so perhaps this is covered there.

Percy Jackson the movie looks good, has a good amount of action, and is marginally worth seeing. The acting is fine, and there are some big-name actor cameos strewn about here and there. The direction and story are mostly good. The story is very episodic and somewhat uneven. The mini-episodes (Medusa, the Hydra, and the Poppy Eaters) could be easily replaced with any other mythological tale. They feel a lot like filler. At the same time events seem rushed, like there was far too much to cram into the allotted movie time. I found myself wondering how Chris Columbus could take a long book like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and make a movie that felt right, but with this much shorter book make it feel oddly paced and disconnected.

So if the child of a mortal and a god is a demi-god, what is the child of two demi-gods? A semi-god? A demi-demi-god? Demi More-or-less?